I’m still here: Promise!
This blogging thing, on top of parenting a challenging teen, searching for an outside J.O.B AND trying to get my at home job of photography going, also paired with making my marriage functional and searching for a new home to live in…well, it’s tiring…….like Really tiring!
My boys are bigger now, and really the only two left home are the 10 and 14 year olds…and I can honestly say:
Parenting has never been more exhausting than it is now.
Sometimes I have refrained from writing here because, well…really I have nothing nice and encouraging to say. And well, that would defeat the purpose. I cool to share my struggles and failures…but I should probably do it in a way that is encouraging.
Sometimes I actually get a little free time, and I find myself wasting it. Then I get mad at myself…. it’s a vicious circle really.
I know I am called according to His purpose {Romans 8:28}
But honestly, I feel like whenever I begin pursuing what I believe is His purpose for me, it flops.
My parenting techniques, Marriage, Job search, and yes…this blog! Funny how I had myself convinced that switching over, re-branding and truly developing my platform would make things all better….
It didn’t.
So hang in there with me as I figure out His plans for my life, and my purpose.
Blessings!
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I snapped some pictures, even began to announce that it was “official”
I looked for little treasures within that Old Farm House….Character that would help us to enjoy our time there in our temporary home…
Nearly three weeks went by, we worked on the home, we communicated with the owners son in person, and the owner over the phone a few times (as he was out of town) and everything seemed to be going well. I’ve even replayed voice mails over and over and over again…..
and then upon returning home, he decided that the house was being “rushed” and that he didn’t think our personalities would be a good fit.
and there it was…..”you. can’t. live. here!” (he didn’t use those exact words, but it’s exactly how I felt)
I’m not sure how you don’t take this personal. I felt rejected yet again. And a bit without hope as the timeline for us to be out of the current house doesn’t get to restart. I mean honestly….what a rotten thing to do to someone when they’re on a timeline.
But today…..twenty four hours or more after the initial shock, I feel a little better. I feel more confident that possibly God was protecting us! Who knows what kind of “landlord” he may have been.
I know I’m good people. We have our issues just like every family…..but I guarantee you…when we find our rental, the owners won’t regret our “personalities”
And so…..with all that life throws our way, and has been really throwing our way lately…this was just the breaking point for me. I’m human, and yes I’m breakable.
I know I serve a Great. Big. God. and I know He has a plan in place that we don’t see….but honestly at this point, I’m tired…
tired of trusting, tired of seeking, tired of trying to figure out what His “plan” is….so that I can follow it. and I’m tired of being tired!
And then I feel guilty….guilty because I know people have it so much worse. Maybe they lost a loved one, or has a loved one (or even themselves) suffering, maybe they have no shelter at all, maybe they haven’t eaten a warm meal today…..or even this week. Or even worse yet…maybe they don’t have Jesus. Maybe they can’t eventually wade through the mess of life to find a peace that surpasses all understanding in a God that loves them.
So there it is…..Yes I serve a great big God, but that doesn’t mean I don’t deal with great big emotions. I appreciate all the people that have been there for me. Encouraging, praying, looking for houses, helping in whatever way they can.
Thank you.
